Saturday, April 29, 2017
Dr. Backner was my wife's therapist for over 40 years and mine for the past ten or more years. My wife passed away in June 2015. There was a long period of mounting difficulties, when she was increasingly depressed, stopped eating and was suffering from dehydration and resulting psychosis, and Dr. Backner was on the phone with us every day, sometimes more than once a day, whether he was home, in his office, or in his country home in Connecticut. He was not just her therapist, he was intensely concerned and involved, more like her father and her family doctor combined. During her last nine months in home hospice care, when I was her caregiver, he was a daily phone presence. I could not have made it without his help, and of course besides looking after her, he also made sure I had an outlet for my concerns, my problems and my own self-protection, as neither my wife nor I could afford my falling apart.
I made a really good recovery, thanks in no small part to him. He was my one really good male friend, even though officially he was still my therapist. But our sessions were mainly a conversation back and forth between two old Jewish guys who had both lost their spouses relatively recently.
From the viewpoint of an almost 90-year old, who lost his father at age 14, all I can tell his family is that a father's influence, his teachings, his love and his concern, are never gone, they will stay with you for the rest of your lives, and in turn will influence the lives of your children and indirectly pass down the line. Your father was in every way an extraordinary man, whose life influenced countless patients, students, friends and the institution of Queens College. Few men can claim such a distinction, and few have been as fortunate and had the privilege of such a father.
I will cherish his memory and carry it with me to the end of my days, whenever that may be. My sincere condolences to the Backner family.
In deep sympathy,
George Wolf
